A Toxic Childhood
by guts-and-angel-cake
Summary: Clementine has witnessed countless deaths at her young age. Each death having an impact, some more than others... With only Kenny, Luke, Nick, and baby AJ left, can they help? Or at least keep her from drowning in depression? OR, will they fail in attempt? (Warning: This story is sort of dark and may contain sudden triggers, most likely in future chapters.)
1. Chapter One - Dry Swallow

I strived to forget my blunders... it was impossible. I wanted to scream and cry, but I couldn't, because that would show weakness, and now a days... that was a death sentence.

"Clem, can you give Nick an' I a hand?"

"Yeah, coming!" I said. I like to help, it makes me feel like I matter. Even if I don't, but I needed to think. My mind was crowding with guilt and self-hatred. . .

There I stood, whimpering like a 'little girl' that I was. Small sobs forced to escape my quivering lips.

"Clementine! Fuck, Nick, I'll be right back." I heard work boots crush the yellowed leaves. Luke rushed to my side and crouched to my level, "What's wrong?" He asked.

I sniveled and coughed. "Nothing, nothing's wrong."

"I ain't stupid, Clem. Something's wrong, and I want you to tell me what that something is." My attempt to speak resulted in more whimpering and deepening depression.

"Can somebody tell me what the hell is goin' on?!" Kenny marched over to the two of us, his features washed over with anger.

"Clementine was cryin' and Iwas tryin' to-"

"As if I'm gonna buy that bullshit! What did you do to her?!"

"Nothin' I-"

"Liar! You're a li-"

"KENNY!" I yelled, interrupting their uncivil discussion. "He didn't do ANYTHING, he was just trying to help!"

"Why? What's wrong?" Kenny's attitude lightened to sympathy, stepping closer to me. "Boy's right, you are cryin'..." He stroked my cheek with his rough thumb, wiping away my fallen tears. I slightly nodded, uncertain if I could say another word without having a mental breakdown.

"How 'bout ya take the day off, just relax?" Suggested Luke.

"No!" I shouted, startling the two men. "I-I... I'm sorry. It's just, I'm okay. I can help." I reassured them. Although, I wasn't even sure myself.

"If you say so... but if ya need a break, don't hesitate ta ask." Luke had a somber look on his face. I knew he wanted me to rest. And that was probably the best bet to keep me from having an anxiety attack, but I HAD to help. Noting my low self esteem, and the boost it desperately needed.

I simply nodded in understanding and walked over to where Nick kneeled in the dirt, hammering a nail into a loose board on the cabin's foundation. He worked hard to block the opening I had broken through all those months ago, before Carver showed up and everything took a turn for the worst.

"You sure you're okay?" He turned to face me, an eyebrow raised.

"Y-yeah." I dry swallowed, he timidly handed me a hammer. I didn't know why he was acting this way towards me. It's not like I was suicidal. . .


	2. Chapter Two - Utter Stupidity

I can't imagine how stupid I must've looked. Just standing there, glaring down at the hammer I held. Speechless.

"Clem, Clementine?" Luke shook back (NOT away) my thoughts as he clutched my shoulders, staring at me. But they came back... I didn't avoid eye contact with him on purpose, my mind was still focused on this tool, this lucid device that was capable of killing someone, ending their life with a quick swing to the head.

"Clementine?!" Luke vigorously concussed me.

"Huh?" I snapped back to reality.

He slipped the hammer from my loose grasp.

"Go inside with Kenny, he said he wants ta talk to you." Luke told me. I followed his instruction and entered the old cabin. Kenny and I met eyes as I closed the creaky front door.

"Here," He patted the spot next to him on the green-plaided couch. As soon as I leerily sat down, he began explaining.

"I'm worried about ya, Clem. You've been acting so... strange lately. Have ya been getting enough sleep? I mean... I'm no doctor, but there must be something that's botherin' you. And we both know that it's healthier to get it off your chest. So tell me, what's with the sudden change of behavior?" He seemed to go on forever, although, he had a good point. I do have a problem and it's best to get that out in the open. Just like when I was younger, I would wake my parents from their sleeping state and badger them with my bad dreams. Of course, that was before this world was in ruins and it wasn't impossible to sleep soundly. I would tell my parents in fear that if I didn't, my nightmares would repeat themselves until I did. After them was Lee... but that was a very different, long and sorrowful story.

"Clem?!" Again, I'd gotten lost in my own thoughts.

"Sorry..." I apologized, my cheeks growing red out of embarrassment as I stared at the wood-paneled floor. Luke disturbed the awkward silence with further creaking of the door. Kenny and Luke mouthed words to each other from across the living room, but I didn't care to decoder. I just sat there, feeling bad for myself, or at least trying to.

"Well, Luke and I are goin' on a supply run. Keep an ear out for AJ." Kenny changed the subject.

"But, I wanna go. I'd like to help!" I ran up to the men whom were about to exit. Using my sad eyes on Luke, I could feel my golden irises widen.

"Just... stay here, we need a babysitter." Kenny attempted to persuade me. Staying here meant more time alone with my thoughts. Before, I yearned for this. But now, seeing how I'd began to concern the group, I dreaded it.

"Please." I begged, practically on my hands and knees.

"Kenny's right, we DO need a babysitter, and you're perfect for the job. You know how much AJ likes you." Luke forced a smile, but I turned away. Returning to my former place on the sofa.

"We'll be back soon." Kenny told me before exiting with Luke.

As if on cue, AJ began wailing from upstairs.

I sighed, trudging my both, physically and mentally tired body up the steps. The same ones that Sarah had to stealth up to remain hidden from that madman Carver...

"Shh..." I called gently, approaching the make-shift bassinet. Just a shallow, rectangular wooden-box stuffed with torn blankets that little AJ rested upon.

"Hey, shh... it's okay, it's okay..." I repeated once again, the same words I used every time when he was upset. I scooped him into my arms, cradling his tiny body and rocking him slowly back and forth.

Only a moment had passed when his eye lids had drifted shut, a smile appeared on his face. I couldn't help but return the gesture.

"You look just like your dad." I reminded him, each time he fell asleep in my arms. Even though he couldn't hear nor understand me, it just felt necessary. Not for AJ, but for me.

I set AJ back down and decided to rest myself. After I had gotten partly comfortable beneath a single sheet and a woven- patterned quilt, my mind forced me to remember those months at the Motor Inn. How I would need assistance from Lee when getting onto the bed...

He'd pull me up with a single strong arm. I would snuggle against him and for those few minutes, I would forget how horrible the world had become. But now Lee was gone, because of me and my carless mistake.

"I'm sorry, Lee... I really am, but I know that means nothing now." I silently cried for what felt like hours until I to fell asleep. . .


End file.
